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pt.3: When the domino does not fall

· Mindset

“Today, I grieve and rest. Tomorrow, the work continues."

For the past several weeks, we've been immersed in complex and delicate process of navigating what would possibly be the biggest logistical and emotional project.

Every day feels both, like race against the clock and like the time simply doesn't exist.

Every day brings both, a set of new victories and also the next set of challenges.

And every day requires both, immense optimism and patience, and also a hefty dose of "we gotta be real here."

But yesterday? It blew, man!

The irony is that the biggest domino pieces here, well, they are not even up to us. And the entity with seemingly limitless resources and the power to bend the Universe to its will for so many of others, well, it chose to be unbending this time...

...proverbially cementing this piece into place from which we might now have viable alternatives.

When the news was broken to me, I could feel my heart shatter into pieces. My throat closed up and a rock pulled my stomach into the darkest corner of one of my biggest fears.

I felt small. Powerless. And from some dark places of my psyche, immense amount of guilt and shame emerged.

And to make it worthwhile, they brought along this sense of utter (self-diagnosed) incompetency to shove into my face: “See, you keep saying you should… You keep wishing you could… You keep hoping you would…”

A few weeks ago, I stood in a similar place. When a simple “No, that can’t be done” pulled the rug from beneath me.

Speechless and shaking in rage because I’ve seen it done many times before… I did what I had trained myself to do to expedite the processing.

I used the power of my own sound current, the vibratory frequency of my own voice, to talk myself though it all, recording every word and feeling every tremble.

Helplessness alchemized into possibility.

Doubt emerged as new knowing.

Hoping became determination.

And fear? Hello, surrender!

Shaking changed, too. Deep inside I knew that was a symptom of some massive, perhaps generational releasing. A physical indicator of ascension.

Few days later, a new window opened up. And then another. Of course they have. They always do.

I applied the same techniques yesterday.

I walked myself through the same process.

I repeated the same mantra.

Until 3:30am when I finally fell asleep.

I also gave myself permission to take the day to grieve and rest, so that the work can continue.

Sure enough, I woke up in the morning with some new ideas and came across some new resources, even though they all led to a dead-end. For now.

But the heaviness is slowly lifting and I can breathe again deep breaths of calm, trust, and surrender. I can hold a revived conversation with my husband who somehow has the gift of finding humor in the most dire moments, just to cheer me up.

And just like that, we know that it will all work out. It always does.

When I say that I walk my talk, I mean it. As a coach, mentor, transformation specialist, I am not living in some alternate Universe, untouchable and on a pedestal.

On the contrary - I am very much experiencing this whole being-a-human-doing-life thing.

Teachings, techniques, and tools I offer, I use for myself every single day. The only difference is - just because something has worked for me does not mean it will work for my clients.

Which is why my particular calling isn’t to package my experience up into a DIY-thingy (as much I have tried to, I am just not wired for that Destiny Path).

Instead, my higher work emerges in an intimate setting with each and every client. Together, we then re-define & refine, explore & discover, design & architect frameworks & outlets, along with next-step possibilities & opportunities.

And that’s the 3rd layer, step if you will, in the process. If that also means channeling quantum strategies (and contingency plans), then so be it. If the client requires "marching orders" that match their vibratory frequency, vision, and mission, well then - done, done and done.